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Archive for December, 2007

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Love Management

“Where there is love, there are pain and suffering” — Buddha  

Everyone needs love but few learn to love correctly. This book will give us many Buddha teachings about the truth and nature of love and how to turn suffering from love into happiness.

It is another book of W. Vajiramedh, who has nearly 40 books in print and mostof them are best sellers. I have to confess that I like all of his books.

From the back cover :

“Space should not be underestimated and is as important as Co-existence. Existence without Space will only lead to distancing at the end of the road. But Existence blended with Space is sure to build up a stronger base.

Lovers who know how to manage space and possession to the right degree are blessed with the chance of becoming soul-mates forevers.”

Love Management by W.Vajiramedhi (English Version by Nopamat Veohong)

Source of photo : http://www.naiinsf.com/pbook/images/9898239_250.jpg

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Nobody is perfect.

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Someone told me that she was unhappy because of her husband. Before the marriage, they were a very happy couple. But after the marriage, she found out that her husband was not as good as she expected.

In any kinds of relationship, the unhappiness may occur when the reality does not meet your expectation. For example:

  • A person was unhappy when his/her friend did not act in the way he/she expected.
  • You got angry when someone blamed you. You did not expect to receive that blame.
  • A wife expected her husband to understand her, but he did not. So, she was unhappy.
  • A husband expected his wife to understand him, but she did not. So, he was unhappy.
  • A staff wanted his boss to have more leadership, but she did not. So, he was unhappy.

There are so many other examples of the situation of unhappiness. These situation always occurred, again and again.
In my opinion, there are two solutions to make us happy:

1. To adjust the reality – this is very difficult since the reality depends on outside factor ie depends on other persons. Therefore we should think of the second solution.

2. To adjust the expectation – this is easier since it is your expectation. You can control the level of your expectation. You should learn the nature of human being. There is nobody perfect. Everyone has good and bad aspects even your self. If you understand this nature, you will be happy.

I like many poems written by Ajarn Buddhadasa of Saunmokkh. One of them is –

Look On the Good Side 

They have their nasty aspects — who cares!
Choose only the good stuff that they have,
of benefit to the world and attractive.
As for the bad stuff, don’t bother yourself.

To find someone who is good in all respects
Don’t wander foolishly, friends, on the search,
Like a quest for the turtle’s whiskers, dying for nothing.
So get used to looking on the good side — more value.
 
Source: http://www.suanmokkh.org/verse/96-99/may-1996.htm

Life is so short. You should learn to look on good side and then live happily.

( If you want to read more poems of Ajarn Buddhadasa and his teachings, please visit Suan Mokkh: The Garden of Liberation: http://www.suanmokkh.org/ )

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Where is my soul mate?

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A friend of mine told me yesterday that she needs some Buddha’s teachings about being good spouse. I told her that I have read about such teachings but forgot most of them. Anyway, I intended to do more research and give the answers through my post.

This request reminded me the old days when my high school teacher told me that to find someone to marry with was like buying lottery. Only some people won the first prizes. Less and less people won the second, third, fourth, blah blah prizes. And most of them did not win any prize.

Many years ago, I told my teacher that I found a good example of happy marriage. My friend and her husband have been a very sweet and happy couple and stayed that way for more than 15 years.  My teacher told me that my friend won the first prize of lottery.

Well, I both agreed and did not agree with the winning lottery concept. To win the lottery, you need only luck. But to have the happy married life, in my opinion, you need luck and you also can build it. Your good luck may depend on the good karma you have done in the past. Good luck may lead you to good person that will help you to build a happy married life.

Buddhism has principles called “Sama-jivi Dhamma” for couple to ensure their compatibility and provide a firm foundation for a long married life. Sama-jivi dhamma concerns four qualities:

1. Sama-saddha:  having compatible faith; they uphold the same  religion, revere the same objects of worship, concepts, beliefs or principles, and share the same lines of interest- they are equally firm in all these or can reach agreement on them.

2. Sama-sila: having compatible morality; they have conduct, morality, ethics, manners and upbringing which are harmonious or compatibility.

3. Sama-caga: having compatible generosity; they are in accord, not conflict, with each other in their generosity, hospitality, munificence, sacrifice, and readiness to help others.

4. Sama-panna: having compatible intelligence; they are sensible and can understand each other; they can at least reason with each other.

(The italic sentences came from the book “A Constitution for Living” by P.A. Payutto, translated by Mr. Bruce Evans. It is a “must read” book should you want to learn about Buddhist principles for harmonious life.)
 
My friend and her husband that I mentioned above have these four qualities.

For the single, you should find the one that has such four qualities. That person will be your soul mate. And for the ones who already married and did not think your spouse was your soul mate, do not try to find the new one. You may talk to your spouse and try to change or adjust both of yourself and your spouse to comply with such principles and become soul mates of each other.

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The Five Precepts

green.jpgThis world will be very peaceful if people act and speak righteously and properly. Buddhism has basic code of conduct for lay Buddhist that will guide us to do and speak in the right ways. The ones, who follow the five precepts, will harm no one. And if everyone follows the five precepts, this world will be a peaceful world.

The five precepts are

  1. To refrain from killing or hurting of living beings – you love yourself, right?? other living beings also love themselves. Do not kill or hurt any other living beings.
  2. To refrain from stealing or taking what is not given – you love your properties, right?? Everyone also loves his/her properties. Do not steal for take what is not given.
  3. To refrain from sexual misconduct such as adultery – we have the duty of loyalty to the one we love and we should not violate the faith that someone gives to his/her beloved one.
  4. To refrain from lying – saying nothing is better than lying. The liar believes that he/she can conceal all of his/her bad things by lying. But it is wrong. The truth is immortal. And when people know that he/she is lying, nobody will trust the liar.
  5. To refrain from taking intoxicants such as liquor or addictives – drinking or having drugs will make you loss your consciousness and may lead you to other bad things ie harming living beings, sexual misconduct, blah blah. Some people may argue that there is nothing wrong for a bit drinking. But a small thing will lead to a bigger one. So, there is no exception for a little bit taking intoxicants.

As same as other Buddhist concepts, everyone can adopt these precepts if he/she thinks they can guide him/her to an ethical and peaceful life.

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